Like most American men I'm a little messed up about sex Does size really matter? Should I be-e checking out other guys? But if I do, does it mean I'm gay? LIke when I went to Italy And I went to see the statue of David, maybe I stared at it too long? And what about the size of breasts, does size matter there? Do I really like a lot of silicone over and above a little milk? And while I'm on the subject of sex: what do I think about viagra? Even though I seem to function really well there, is that something that I ought to try? If everybody else is gonna take it, is it something that I oughta take? In order just to stay competitive, like when everybody switched To a tennis racket with a really big head, and suddenly the great Bjorn Borg wasn't only beatable, but wasn't much better than most American men; Than most American men
Like most American men I think about sports a lot So one time I can get close to a lot of really good friends of mine We talk and yell and slap hands, saying stuff like: "Sammy, you da man, I love you!" And we pour over scores and statistics, like medieval biblical scholars And I can go into a bar, start and watching some kind of game And I can start talking to a black guy, or a mexican or a japanese And we're laughing and slapping and crying, all cause of Michael Jordan Cause I wish I could fly like most American men Like most American men
Like most American men, I don't know what to do about Japan What do with somalia, or where Somalia is or for that matter where is Rhode Island, my morals are mostly determined by whoever I'm sleeping with Like most American men Like most American men
Like most American men I don't know how much money is enough Some times I think I got enough, other times I think enough is a little bit more than I got, and if I had a little more dough Maybe I'd care more about the world, cause I'd have a bigger stake in the game Maybe I'd think about politics if I really had something to protect I tell you man, if I had a little more dough, I'd do really good with the ladies I'd take them and treat them real nice, and I'd look really good when I do and you know we'd travel in style and I'd take them to my really fine pad with a fridge and a really big bed, and we'd lie there and smoking cigarrettes eating candy and watching Jerry Springer, and that's not so much to want Like most American men Like most American men
Like most American men I'd change my whole life if I could I'd live in a really big house, and I'd travel with a really fast crowd Hang around with really big women, play tennis with Drew Barrymore And if I could change everything, who knows what would happen then Maybe after a couple of months my whole life would start to look a whole lot like it does now, kinda boring, kinda funny, Like most American men LIke most American boys